TESTE DE MASCULINIDADE

Passa no canal Hollywood, às 21.30, este filme de Frank Oz, de 1997, In & Out. Imperdíveis o do clip, Kevin Kline, Joan Cusack, Tom Selleck e Debbie Reynolds. E o texto.

«ANNOUNCER:
Welcome to our series... on exploring your masculinity. This is audio tape number one...
"Getting a Grip. Are you dressed in suitably masculine attire?
HOWARD: Very.
- Are you in control?
- Yes.
ANNOUNCER: Are you ready to take charge? Are you a man?
HOWARD: Yes!
ANNOUNCER: Stand up. Stand straight and tall. Excuse me, are we a little teapot? Untuck your shirt. Just one side.
HOWARD: Ohh.
ANNOUNCER: You hate this, don't you?
HOWARD: Look at it!
ANNOUNCER: You want to be neat. You want to be tidy. Adjust yourself. Not there. The package, sissy man. The family jewels.Grab 'em.
HOWARD: Mmm.
- You're in a barroom.
- OK.
ANNOUNCER: Repeat after me.
- "Yo."
- Yo!
- "Hot damn."
- Hot damn!
ANNOUNCER: "What a fabulous window treatment."
- What a fabulous...
- That was a trick.
HOWARD: Oh! Damn!
ANNOUNCER: We've come to the most critical area... of masculine behavior.
HOWARD: What?
ANNOUNCER: Dancing.
HOWARD: Dancing.
ANNOUNCER: Truly manly men do not dance.
HOWARD: Oh, come on!
ANNOUNCER: Under any circumstances. This will be your ultimate test. At all costs avoid rhythm, grace and pleasure. Whatever you do, do not dance.
HOWARD: I won't!
ANNOUNCER: Can you hear it?
HOWARD: Yes.
ANNOUNCER: Can you hear the demon? "Dance," the demon whispers. Everyone else is dancing. They're getting down. They're getting funky now. They're having fun!
- Not you!
- No.
ANNOUNCER: Catch the fever. Feel the heat of the disco beat. It's calling to you. Do not listen! Men do not dance. They work, they drink, they have bad backs. They do not dance. Hold still. Hold tight. Whatever you do, do not dance!
ANNOUNCER: What are you doing?! Stop dancing, you big ballerina! Stop waving those hands! Aren't you listening, you pantywaist? Stop it! Stop shaking that booty! Be a man! Kick someone! Punch someone! Bite someone's ear! Stop it! Get a grip! Think about John Wayne. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold doesn't dance! He can barely walk! Stop it! Stop it! Just stop dancing! So how did you do, pussy boy?»